NYE

2011 will be the year I give birth to my second child and also the year that I actually keep my New Year's resolutions. For the upcoming year I want to continue striving to surround myself with positivity, and with this become a better woman and mother. This date and tradition is just an excuse to resolve to do the things I need to remind myself to do every single day. I want to care for my mind, body, and spirit because in here I am creating a new life that deserves the very best version of me.

Last year we rang in 2010 with our best friends while a two month old Pea was cozy at home with my parents. I missed her that whole night, my boobs hurt because I was still breastfeeding, and I was dying to get home to see her. The year before that Todd and I kissed each other at midnight on the roof of our San Francisco apartment, toasting with a bottle of sake.

I am not sure exactly what our plans are for tonight but I know I am entering 2011 with more love and purpose than I have ever had. My baby girl will be sleeping but close to us as I kiss my handsome husband with the final addition to our little family growing and living in my belly, right under my heart. I hope you all have a wonderful night with the people you love, resolutions that are worth keeping, and the knowledge that this will be a really good year.



(Oh, and how about you have an extra glass of bubbly for me?)

The beginning of communication...

Me: Quieres mas lechita? (Want more milk?)
Olivia: Nods. (yes)

Me: Are you my baby?
Olivia: Nods. (yes)

Me: Do you want more lentils?
Olivia: Shakes head. (no)

Me: Do you want a piece of bread?
Olivia: Nods. (yes)

(At this point I am so excited we are communicating.)

Me: Are you a dinosaur?
Olivia: Nods. (yes)

Pregnancy blah.

I have cures for the pregnancy blahs- they work every time. A good haircut, or a manicure, or a cute new pair of underpants. I chose the haircut this time.

The Holiday.

I hope everyone had a very wonderful Christmas. Ours was delightful, but busy! We spent the night at my parent's house Christmas Eve and my mom and I were up late wrapping gifts. Then we all woke up early and opened our presents from Santa in our holiday pajamas. After that, it felt like we were house hopping until the evening. It was tiring, but I am so thankful we have so much love and family in our lives. Once the babies grow up I can see us not wanting to jump from home to home on Christmas day and will prefer to just be home with the kids and have family come visit with us, but we'll see. Here are some photos!

From my iPhone Christmas morning:


Her own Ella Belly baby carrier!

Tutu

Fun books

And for me :)

15 weeks

My baby has gone from chicken nugget to avocado size.

Rain, rain please stay...

There is something so beautiful, poetic, and new about a very rainy day. The streets look clean and interesting, and the air smells deliciously sweet. We have had quite a few rainy days for San Diego...

I decided to walk outside to the backyard with Olivia yesterday to show her the lovely gray sky and have us both stand together in our warm jackets and breathe in all the fresh air. The grass looked so green, all the colors of everything seemed to be brighter. We stood out there for a few minutes and I just took it all in- my favorite weather and my absolute favorite baby girl.

Blabla kids!

I love these knit dolls. They are unique, cute, quirky, and "Olivia" (me) wants them all! These are at the top of the list:

Mr. X


Yoko


Yupik


... and for her little brother/sister....

Johnny


@ blablakids.com

Update on Eek!

Poor Betty.

Eek!!

Yesterday I was in my room chatting on my laptop with a very dear friend of mine who is in the Peace Corps in Madagascar. I heard a weird scampering sound and to my horror, a small brown mouse with round eyes was staring up at me. Before I had a chance to react, he ran out from under the door crack and into the hallway. That was the first sighting.

This morning Todd confirmed TWO small brown mice are in our house. This is a normal occurrence since we live in a semi-rural area of Bonita that is hilly which apparently means there are many four-legged friends around. We bought two mouse traps and they kind of make me sad though I am still creeped out by these bitty rodents hanging around.

Olivia saw one for the first time a few minutes ago and her eyes got super wide. I hate to admit it, but they're cute. I just wish they would get a home of their own! I have named them Betty and Loretta.



image via: Google

Sunday morning.

I love Sundays. Especially gray, rainy ones like today. It is 9:00am and I am in bed with my laptop. ALONE. Todd is out. Olivia is out. I am listening to music, reading, relaxing. Alone time is huge. Especially on a Sunday. Soon, I will peel myself out of bed and start the day with my two loves. In the meantime, it's just me.

Highlights this week:

My new TOMS

gilded herringbone, toms.com

This lovely, gloomy weather- perfect for a pretty scarf


I succumbed to my craving of Hot Cheetos. I felt guilty.


Pretty Christmas tree



AND #1...
ONE OF MY BEST FRIEND IS PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!! She and her hubz have been trying for a few months and I am just over the moon excited. Especially because her #1 and my #2 will be so close in age and we will be bump buddies.

Olivia Simone's hobbies- Age: Almost 14 months

-Destruction. Ripping out the pages of my Elle Hong Kong :( Somehow getting into my makeup bag, drawers of clothes, and so forth. If a stuffed animal has a small tear, forget it. She will rip the stuffing out of it before the poor thing knows what hit it. This aspect of her behavior reminds me very much of a puppy. This is one of her nicknames.

-Grooving. Olivia loves to dance. Any genre, any tune. A couple of days ago we were walking across the Target parking lot and some guys drove by bumping some serious rap. I look at my child and she is bobbing her head in a rhythmic nodding motion to the music. Oh my. Olivia will often walk into my sister's room when she is listening to Of Montreal or Arcade Fire and just stand in the middle of the room and dance. The love of dancing began in my belly.

-Screaming. Happy screams. A shriek when her daddy comes home, a yelp when she sees a kid her size, another one when she sees something she wants at a store. I do not know how to control this, but she is very expressive and uses her vocal chords to do so. I hate to admit it, but the excited screaming freaks out other kids her age and I feel bad for her. She is just trying to make friends. Any tips on this are very welcome.

-Streaking. This is a recent development. Her love for undressing was born one night when I let her run around naked in the living room as I got her bath ready. Luckily, this is usually done in the privacy of her own home. Hopefully it will be a while before Pea knows how to take off her diaper.

In general, Olivia is a hoot. A handful. I am in awe of her ability to make sense of situations and her quick problem solving. She will often imitate us and understands a lot of what we say. There are tantrums and toy throwing episodes but I know this is all a part of her growing and learning. Pea is a sweet, intelligent, and loving baby girl that hugs my legs and gives sloppy kisses. When her temperamental side comes out I just continue being patient and try to understand her and it quickly subsides. There is a very outgoing and independent new aspect to her personality that is developing and according to my mom she gets this from me :)

Whenever I think I could not love her more, I do.

La la la.

Come and open up your folding chair next to me
My feet are buried in the sand and there’s a breeze
There’s a shadow, you can’t see my eyes
And the sea is just a wetter version of the skies

Let’s get a silver bullet trailer and have a baby boy
I’ll safety-pin his clothes all cool and you’ll graffiti up his toys
I’ve got a perfect body, though sometimes I forget
I’ve got a perfect body cause my eyelashes catch my sweat
Yes, they do, they do…

Now I’ve been sitting on this abandoned beach for years
Waiting for the salty water to cover up my ears
But every time the tide come in to take me home
I get scared, and I’m sitting here alone
Dreaming of the dolphin song…

Maybe one day you will understand
I don’t want nothing from you but to sweetly hold your hand
Till that day just please don’t be so down
Don’t make frowns, you silly clown

Just come and open up your folding chair next to me
My feet are buried in the sand and there’s a breeze
There’s a shadow, you can’t see my eyes
And the waves are just a frothier version of the skies

Santa- Take #2

Not so bad, right?

At least it wasn't like this drama.

Cheesy. Awesome.

Lady lumps.

It's happening. The boobs. The bump.

Funny how from my ribs up I could maybe pretend to be a bikini model and from the chest down I look like I drank too many beers. Instead of fighting my jeans to button at this point I would rather remind myself that my body is magic: creating life.

The milliner.

Right now, I feel like I am neither here nor there. I am wearing many hats but at the same time feel I am not doing anything fully. I fell into the opportunity to work a full-time job with a decent paycheck just so we could get certain situations worked out, temporarily. Each day I go to work and leave Olivia I have to literally drag myself out the door, trying to blast some music so I can think positive and focus on the paycheck. The creative and free-thinking side of me screams, you are wasting your talent.

Before getting pregnant with Olivia, I knew exactly what I wanted from life. Actually, I have known for a while. My ultimate educational goal was to attain my doctorate in Comparative Literature by the age of 28. I aspired to be a college professor, and in time publish a book. And then another. I was on the right track, devouring books weekly and getting excellent grades. On my free time I would write short stories, essays, random musings. Living in San Francisco was so stimulating, inspiring. I turn 25 in April and that PhD is on hold. Not forever, but on hold. My children are my focus, my daughter is my new muse.

One of the positives of being a young mom is that time is on my side, and I know this. I have no problem waiting a couple of years because right now I just want to be enveloped in tiny arms and an earful of baby talk. In this present moment, as I come to work to make some money and count down until I can stay home when the new baby comes I am really battling within myself. I feel like I am in limbo, I am not with Olivia while I am at work and I am also not furthering my actual career goals. It is frustrating, but I know in some ways it is what it best for us. I am juggling so much and sometimes I feel like I am just dropping the ball, not doing it all 100%,

I need to sit down and make a new plan. Life is too short, this sacrifice is too big. I'd rather downsize than go through the motions without my heart into it. I am just not cut out for that, never been able to fake it. Sometimes people think they need to keep their crappy 9-5s but maybe they don't. Sometimes material sacrifices are what needs to be made, and that I am willing to do. In some situations it is not realistic, but in many it is. All it requires is teamwork, creativity, and the unrelenting perseverance to wake up every morning and do what you love.


Photos by: Natalie Holford

Christmas list....

Everyone done with their Christmas shopping? I am not. I procrastinate. Todd is hard to shop for, in the sense that he always buys whatever he really wants and what he doesn't buy that he really wants is something super expensive we cannot afford right now. My sister and I already shopped for our parents (so excited about this one!) and I know exactly what I am buying her. I have some of Pea's stuff and I just need to order the rest. Now that I typed that all out, pretty much all I really have left is the husband.

11 days until Christmas.


image via: Google

Santa fail...

With my morning coffee...

Dolce Vita for Target. Oh yes, please!

Studded oxford


Lace up boots


And my new friends...


Shop here!

Photos from target.com

Finally!

I had a baby dream and it's a BOY! I used to have vivid dreams of a baby girl when I was pregnant with Pea. :)
I feel different this time. I crave beer and pickles. I still feel nausea. But, I do not really feel pregnant per se.

In other news, Olivia is so smart and loves pointing out all the kitties in her books. Have a fun Thursday!

Wednesday...

Today was a nice day off. Took my time reading blogs and news in my pajamas. Threw a load of laundry in the wash. Combed Olivia's new freshly cut bangs and unsuccessfully tried to get her to nap so I could shower.

I had a doctor appointment today. I am still seeing both a midwife and a doctor. My current doctor is VBAC-supportive and I like her but really, there is nothing like the therapeutic presence of an empowering midwife. The appointment was so quick, I almost feel like she was turned off by the fact that I had to bring Olivia. Whatever. I got to see my sweet #2. He/she no longer looks like a nugget, baby form it is! The bebe was moving around and that is just a sight for sore eyes.

Speaking of he/she, I am pretty sure I want to find out the sex. I want to know who is living in there. I figure that being pregnant so soon was surprise enough.

Afterward, we paid a visit to my grandparent's house and Olivia played in their garden, licking the dirt off rocks.



I wore this adorable vintage looking dress I stole from my best friend's closet. She found it at a random boutique in Ocean Beach and it is a no-name brand. I paired it with my American Apparel high waist leggings and black boots.





Tomorrow, back to the grind.

BOY/GIRL

Ok, so I am reconsidering this whole waiting to find out the gender of the baby. I am dying to know, and I know there are pros and cons to both choices. I knew it would be super hard for me. Also, when we get ultrasounds I am sure Todd and I could easily discern the baby's bits and know the gender regardless.

Pros:
-I can prepare, seeing how everything I have is SO girly.
-I can bond with the baby better, it will not be an "it".
-It will still be so exciting and fun to find out! It is still a surprise.
-I do not have to pick two names.
-I am impatient and suck at waiting.

Cons:
-I will not have that super amazing "IT'S A BOY!" or "IT'S A GIRL!" that I have heard so many mamas describe. The ones that have waited have told me to wait, that it is so worth it.

Gahhhh.

Olivia Simone at bedtime.

My husband.

I have fallen in love with this man more than once. At first, it was because he was so gentle and thoughtful in the smallest of ways, the kind of person who would point out a puddle so I could walk over it or a crack in the sidewalk because I'd likely trip. Then, it was because I realized how perfectly our hips fit into each other in his tiny twin bed as we lay to sleep and I have never seen eyes that shade of green. Months passed and we just became a pair naturally and effortlessly, never perfect but always pretty close.

As life has changed us and our relationship has weathered so many suns and a couple rains we continue on the same crooked path together. He is a man who shows his love in ways that are subtle but constant, he does not get sappy or sing my praises, but his actions fill my heart and soul. I fall in love with him all over again when I notice our daughter has his same exact eyebrows and crooked smile, I adore him more as I see him love her. Care for her, with the same gentle touch and thoughtful subtlety.

There are no guarantees in marriage, or in anything really, but all I can hope and fight for is that this concrete foundation we have built can continue to carry us toward the future. In the endless ways we are so alike and the frustrating aspects of us that are dissimilar I would not change anything. What do I want more than to grow old with him? A living example for our children that in this life nothing is handed to us, not very much comes easy, but the best things just seem to fit and find their way.

A Cloth Diapering Dilemma.

When I first started researching cloth diapering back when I was pregnant with Olivia I went a little crazy and bought all the fancy and fun fitted diapers that require covers. They fit great, hold in leaks, and come in so many to-die-for prints. We have everything from vintage Alice in Wonderland to Japanese imported kawaii prints. Now that I have been diapering for over a year and am so busy + will have another bebe to diaper soon I am starting to regret all the bells and whistles of my stash.

Now I wish I could sell (almost) all of them and start all over with a simple and basic cloth diaper that is just bulletproof and does the job without the frills. Something like the BumGenius all-in-one diapers with snaps:

photo from: cottonbabies.com

Easy, durable, and basic. Since when am I so... practical?

Muse Monday

"You know, I never felt like I was young at the time," she says, "and obviously having Mia was absolutely planned...It's only now when I meet people who are my age and single, [with] no kids, that I reflect and say, Bloody hell, I really have lived at a fast pace."

-Kate Winslet on becoming a mother at 25
from harpersbazaar.com



images via: Google