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Tuesday, April 12, 2011

A letter to my daughters.

To describe how I love you would be difficult because it would require me to articulate the way a part of me was born when you were created, an entire portion of my soul that didn't exist before your perfect face. It would be nearly impossible to string words together to adequately explain the way you have moved me, altered me, made me become a better woman simply because you need me to be. Though at times it was daunting, how could the selfish and free spirited person that I was trade it all for a tiny being with lips shaped like a heart? The most magical part of my mothering experience thus far is that not only did you supply me the biggest love I could ever experience, you also gave me the strength and courage to be the best version of myself for you.

After only one year of you filling my new universe with peace and the most pure happiness, my body began to grow and sustain a whole new life. I felt drained and so tired, my thoughts were confused. We didn't feel ready for another extension of our love though your sister planted herself and grew. She needed to come to us though we did not know it yet. Now my belly has blossomed and is now large enough that when I hold you your small body has to wrap around my stomach and so she is always between us even now. I lay with you as you sleep and feel guilty for you and then for her. For you, my first love, because soon our universe's center will shift and you will be forced to share your throne. And for her, because where can I fit so much more in my heart and soul? How could I possibly double all of this devotion?

But I can, and I do, because I have realized that though my body would have birthed and created both of you, you don't really belong to me. Or to daddy. You are meant for each other. Your sister was made for you and you for her. Two individual people coming from the same small place that kept you safe, you pushed against the same skin and enjoyed the same hand trying to feel you daily. But my time will pass and I will one day no longer be your sun or favorite person. You will both expand and become older and must protect each other always.

My only job is to nurture and love you. When we are gone in each other you will find the greatest comfort, your roots. You must be true to your sister, unconditionally no matter what. There will never be another person on this Earth that is more a part of you than her, until you have your own children, and then you will need each other even more. Now I see you so sweet and beautiful little girl, and soon enough we will meet our baby honey. I am content with the knowledge that you two will have each other to lean on and trust.

Never forget, you belong to each other.



Anonymous said...

Tears are welling up in my eyes... that was amazing and I am happy that I was able to read it. Thanks for sharing your life with me! ;)

Joy N. said...

wanted to tell you how beautiful this is.
having the third girl now in the house it is so good to be reminded that they will have each other.

Aralena said...

what lucky daughters you have, to have such a thoughtful mama. this was so beautifully written.

Adriana said...

this is one of the best pieces i have ever read. i am in tears. your girls are so lucky to have you : )