Happy Easter

"No one saves us but ourselves, no one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path..."

This morning my mom asked me how I am going to raise my child with values and morals if Todd is atheist and I enjoy reading more about Buddhism than Catholicism. She is so very concerned that our souls are lost and that I have steered so far from the path she paved for me. I want to assure her that this is not true but I am not sure if she is listening. I am going to teach Olivia to love herself, Mother Earth, and all the living things we share out planet with. She will learn to trust her heart and her courage but to always have sympathy for others and devotion for what truly matters to her. Hopefully she will one day choose a religion that encompasses everyone and encourages an open mind and a marriage of nature and science. This post may offend someone but this is not my intent. The reason I have such a connection to Buddhism is because it is good practice in the art of respect and inner strength. It challenges us to find the center within ourselves and a connection to the earth that supports us. It is a reminder that we are the ones who carry the answers to our own happiness if we only know where to look.

Birthing

"We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong."

Although I planned for a natural birth, I ended up with a c-section. I read the books, took the classes, and was mentally ready. The situation I ended up with was exactly what I did not want, and because our American hospitals do not respect the miracle of birth, I ended up having Olivia removed from my body. I was so doped up on pain meds I did not feel a thing while she came into the world. But, the pain afterward was the worst I have ever felt. Not only did it make breastfeeding a nightmare, it also made me dependent on Todd and my mother to even go to the bathroom. Honestly, I did not change Olivia's diaper by myself until she was about five days old. It was crippling. Before having a cesarean myself, I always disliked the idea of them. Birthing in such a sterile and cold setting is not what childbirth is about for me. Now that I have had a c-section, I am even more against unnecessary medical intervention. The shock and disgust that come over me when I hear women rave about them is hard to disguise. If I ever have another child, I will be having a home birth because this is the only way I will successfully have a vaginal birth after cesarean. Hospitals across the country are banning VBAC even for young and healthy women like myself. I am so thankful for my beautiful baby girl and the scar I have is a reminder of what my body can do but that still does not mean I do not feel I was robbed of bringing my child into the world how nature intended.

Here are some photos from the pea's birth day:
This is the day that we got to the hospital for an induction, she was born almost 36 hours later.

Very swollen from a constant IV drip

Surgery


A healthy and content baby with daddy (I was kept away from her until I "recovered" enough to feel my legs and go to my room)

Finally together again!

The pea

Mama went out last night!

This

to this

Tired Tuesday

Morning

Even when I was pregnant, I enjoyed my mornings alone with the pea. I do laundry, read the news, and blog while she sits with me in a sling or plays next to me on the floor. It is our quiet time together and I know she enjoys it. She looks at me intently as I catch up with a friend on the phone or giggles as I tickle her tiny toes. Before, Olivia kept me company in my belly and now she is here and keeps me company just the same. Everyone jokes about how she will crawl any day and that I better watch out because the pea is so spunky but the reality is that I am in no hurry to have this little person grow up. I want to savor this slobbery baby who travels by rolling or catching a ride in my arms. One day she will no longer need me in the same way but I will never forget that at one point she looked at me as if I had all the answers, that once upon a time I could give her everything she needed.

A tiny rant.

Though my blog is about happy things, I do find it necessary to write something that has been weighing on my mind lately. I am very tired of mothers calling other mothers names and labeling them as BAD mothers. The judgments, rude comments, and criticizing really bother me for a variety of reasons. I am not innocent, I have surely judged in my mind when I see a mom buying junk food for her kids at the grocery store or an infant seat dangerously perched atop a shopping cart. Naturally, it is even worse online. Blogging mothers excusing themselves for starting solids before six months or leaving kids with a sitter for a night to themselves and people being torn apart and vilified on e-communities. Why do we have to make excuses to avoid being flamed? Is it really necessary to question ourselves because other people may not agree? It comes down to the raw fact that every family and child is different and who are we to question it?! If we cannot be each other's strength as mothers and as women who else can we expect it from? Comments and advice are encouraged and welcome, we have so much to learn from each other! We can educate and spread our wealth of information! But please, be kind and thoughtful. Aren't these the lessons we want to teach our children? I apologize for ranting, but this is how I feel. The choices I make for my daughter are best suited for us, and I applaud any mother for doing what is best for her family. We have no place to point fingers and slap on labels. We are all good mothers, we all love our kids, and calling people out DOES NOT make you better. Whew.

/rant.

Image: Google

A pea at the beach.

Yesterday, on her 5 month "birthday", one of my best friends and I took Olivia to Ocean Beach. Before going to the beach, we met at the park for coffee and a walk. Balboa Park is just so lovely and every single time I go I am reminded how lucky I am to live in such a great city. I was trying to keep the pea protected from the sun by keeping her in the stroller with a muslin blanket over it and she also sported her cool sunglasses.

The day was quite toasty and the park was a bit crowded so we decided to venture west. We stopped for a refreshment before going to the shore and Olivia decided to try a steal a sip of Micaela's water. This little girl is just too much! We were chatting and I look down and see this:

She had a little taste and that was it. Too cold, I am sure!

I haven't bought sunblock for the baby yet because most of them are so full of chemicals . We will be buying Badger brand sunscreen because it seems to be the best option. Micaela wore Olivia in the wrap so the sun would not harm her skin but we took her out to show her the sand and water. It was a blast. She loved the sand and was so curious about the ocean. Todd was concerned about the sand in her mouth or eyes but I assured him her hands were quickly rinsed off and she only played in the sand for a few moments. I am so glad she enjoyed herself because growing up there were few things I loved more than a day at the beach.


It was such a perfect Saturday, one of the best in a while!! Happy 5 months!!!!