Death is so final. Sometimes I go to pick up the phone to call my grandmother- for a recipe, or a natural remedy for newborn congestion. Maybe it's just to hear her voice always happy to hear mine or validation on a topic she holds true as strongly as I do. Saturday mom and I went to have breakfast with my grandpa and the dinner table seemed too long and the chairs so empty. Every time I go over there I feel the need to mention her, casually. What I really want to do is ask my grandpa how he does it without her. The day to day. After a lifetime together how does he feel now?
It kills me a little she hasn't seen Mila's big blue eyes or heard Olivia's eager bilingual vocabulary. I need to lean on her as a woman and mother. She was so strong and with a heart so big. How did she balance both? I'll be sure to remind my girls they both met her, she passed when my Mila belly was blossoming and every time she saw me she would cradle the growing bump with her hand. She's felt her.
This post isn't a sad one. I feel happy thinking of her, content knowing that her lessons have stuck with me. With all of us, her daughters and grand-daughters. She taught me the importance of family, intelligence, virtue, and faith. I wish I had a photo to post of her when she was young and mothering EIGHT children. Just picture a 50s housewife, complete with finger curls and a curve hugging dress.
My girls will admire my mother like I do hers. That is a gift. So are her reminders to always stand straight, live with purpose, feed my brain, and wear lipstick.
My grandma and her five beautiful daughters at my wedding 10.8.10