The perfect birth.

For the last month, I have been having several dreams about the birth of the baby girl in my belly. Each one if different, and each has a different outcome. When I have dreams I deliver via c-section again, I wake up panicked. Most of the time, the dreams are about me delivering her naturally and I wake up with a euphoric feeling. There is nothing I want more than a vaginal delivery this time around. Obviously, my subconscious knows this because of all the recurring dreams.

This morning I have been thinking, why have I forgotten that I did have a perfect birth? Sure, they cut me wide open and took Pea out, but it was still perfect. Why? Well, because I was healthy and so was she. Perfect baby girl, fully baked in her mama oven. I healed without a glitch and though it was painful at first, I had no infections or other horror stories. We went home in record time.

There were plenty of things I have wished time and time again were different. And through all this wishing I have put so little emphasis on all the wonderful moments surrounding Olivia's birth. My closest girlfriends and family didn't leave my side, Todd was so gentle and loving to both of us every second, and my mom brought me two pairs of the softest pajamas to wear in the hospital so I could be comfy too. How could I forget how my husband helped me to the bathroom time and time again, never leaving my side, waking up after no sleep to change our new baby's diapers because I couldn't? Or the moments in the hospital bed cuddling with a tiny wrinkly newborn, a precious little face with all the perfect features. I was learning to be a mom, to nurse, and to love in a whole new way.

I still hope for a birth without so much medical intervention this time around, but everything else has been perfect all along. I have to make sure I never forget that.



Waiting

My friends are... amazing.

My love

I was so swollen from the stupid IV

My room


She's here!


With Auntie Lu, brand new baby

Learning how to nurse (Yep, that's Todd helping me)

Skin to skin with my Pea. Looking back, we were both brand-new that day.

An ode.

So far, you have proven yourself worthy. My poor belly skin is moisturized, firm, and free of any new stretch marks. It looks healthy and... supple? For this, I thank you Clarins oil.

If you are pregnant, run to buy this. It's not cheap, but your skin is worth it. Babies can do some damage. The nice people at Clarins want to save our skins.



Buy here.

25 weeks!!!

How far along? 25 weeks
Total weight gain/loss? ~12 pounds :O
Maternity clothes? Not much, really just maternity jeans.
Stretch marks? None this time, I lube up twice a day with cocoa butter and Clarins oils.
Sleep? Like a log.
Best moment this week? Falling more in love with this baby girl, feeling her move all day, buying her her first woolies, got a couple matching outfits for and Pea.
Movement? A lot!! Kicks, rolls, kicks.
Food cravings? Sweets! Fruit!! Hamburgers :(
Food aversions? Not many anymore.
Gender? Girl Labor signs? None, thankfully way too early for that. I think I am starting mini Braxton Hicks?
Belly button in/out? Evened out :x
What I miss: Not feeling so curvy, wearing anything I want, WINE!!!!!!
What I am looking forward to: Kissing this baby's sweet face.

Some photos from this week.

I am starting to get a crazy appetite.

Happy with a red balloon.

OJ fix.

Way more flexible than me.

Drawing of Pea made by me

My mom's office :)

Yours truly without makeup, this is why I at least try to always wear under eye concealer ;)

Grocery shopping at Henry's Marketplace.

What makes my little world go round.

Little Honey,

Just want you to know what a source of peace you are for me. Though you make me tired after a long day, I happily carry the weight of your thriving self with me wherever I go. My body is growing and adjusting to let you be and I will gladly oblige. Every day I love you a little bit more. I can somehow feel your gentle spirit and it brings me comfort.

Can't wait to see your face,
Mama

Breakfast with a toddler.

Why does every morning consist of coaxing, convincing, begging? The only foods that Olivia will devour without any help from us are blueberries, strawberries, blackberries, and avocado. Most recently, she also digs her daddy's yummy homemade pancakes.

This morning we were having shredded oats and honey greek yogurt. Check out her sweet yogurt 'stache.



This is her "I don't want to swallow, Mom" face.


(I am SO happy to see her face healing so fast!!)

24 week photoshoot

All photos by Natalie Carlson Holford
urbanhousewife.blogspot.com


Outfit 1-
Dress: F21
Tights: American Apparel
Shoes: Lucky Brand
Scarf: No clue.

Outfit 2-
Top: F21
Jeans: H&M Maternity Skinnies
Shoes: Vintage, thrifted

On Pea-
Polka Dot top: Target
Dress: Not sure
Shoes: See Kai Run
Diaper: Bum Genius

Gratitude- Our first ER visit.

I will spare you details that at this point I find unncessary, but last Thursday went from a beautiful day, with the bluest skies, to one of the worst of my life in under one minute. My sweet baby girl's face was bitten by a dog. A family dog. All I will say is that in thirty seconds horrible things can happen. I have never felt more panicked and anguished than I did when I picked up my little girl and saw blood on her perfect face and purple plaid dress. The ER doctor assured us we were very lucky, that her wounds are superficial and would quickly heal. No stitches or shots were needed and we were sent home before too long.

I went back and forth on whether or not I wanted to blog about this. Guilt and sadness still lay heavy in the pit of my stomach. I know now this wasn't my fault, but she is still my child, and anything that happens to her is devastating to me. As soon as the shock wore off, Olivia acted completely normal. Goofing around and smiling, trying to get the attention of ER nurses with a huge smile on her bruised face. I decided to post about this, however vaguely, to let other mamas know that these things HAPPEN. They happen to even the most careful and doting parents. Though most people have dogs as a part of their family they are still animals that can be unpredictable, especially around a curious and excited baby girl like ours. The dog that bit Olivia was put to sleep the next day.

I also write this with a heart full of gratitude. Olivia's face is healing even more quickly than I expected, and I know that this could have been so much worse. No permanent damage was done, and she is as vivacious as ever. She is a little weary of dogs, which breaks my heart because she used to love them so much, but I am hopeful that since she is so young this will eventually go away. If you want to see photos of Olivia's wounds from the day of, click here and here.

Here are some photos of baby girl now, as lovely as she has always been. Thankfully, she has a kick ass guardian angel.

The next day, took her to Pigtails & Crewcuts for her very first professional bang trim to keep the hair out of her cuts

Sweet girl

Now, complete with strawberry juice from her morning berry breakfast

Me and my heart


*If anyone can recommend any oils, lotions, or creams that are natural and work to help diminish the appearance of scars please share!

Wordless Wednesday.

A little dose of sweet :)

Sugar.

Little Honey,

Every time I feel you move, a wave of warmth closes in around my chest. I have yet to see you with my very eyes but I have felt you so deeply for weeks now and can already tell your soul is so pure and full of sweetness. I just wanted to say thank you. For expanding my heart even further, adding to my purpose, and keeping me company while everyone else sleeps.

I love you so much already,
Mama

All my fault.

Valentine's Day.

I was really feeling V-Day this year. From getting teary-eyed buying cards at Hallmark to baking yummy cupcakes full of love, I was sentimental. In a good way. I gave red envelopes to all my closest and meant every word. From beginning (sweets and a love note from Olivia and Todd) to the end (yummy dinner with my parents and sister) it was a lovely day. Hope yours was, too.

1 is a lonely number.

We all do it. Moments of whining, or complaining, when something in our relatively perfect lives isn't exactly where we want it to be. A new stretch mark on my belly, or wishing the house was bigger, cursing the day until my indefinite maternity leave. When I say "relatively perfect" I mean that all things considered, I am a very lucky woman. Still, sometimes I can get caught up in the routine mixed with pregnancy hormones and I find myself nitpicking at my little life and all of its educative imperfections.

This morning I woke up with my husband and our baby girl wasn't there. Her shoes were all over the floor, a little sock on my pillow, and in her crib only a pile of colorful blankets. I sipped my coffee slowly, listened to Steve Nicks, and even had time to think about my outfit for the day. The silence was so loud and though every morning I crave a second to myself I realized that maybe it'd be a while until Olivia had another sleep over at her beloved grandparent's house.

Before long my life will go from busy to downright hectic. I will have two under two, be a stay-at-home mom again, and the delicate balance of nurturing my children while maintaining my sense of self will continue. As the days pass and I see all of my happiness and the sweetness of my life in my pea's big eyes and soft curls I am confident I will survive. Not just make it work- I will do it well, hopefully with a little grace, and most certainly with a lot of heart.

Some iPhone photos from this week.

Sunshine curls



Yum


Bump

(shoes, shorts: target top: ella moss from anthro)
My sister and I at the Interpol show

Olivia's personal style