Must be the weather.
I woke up feeling a little funny this morning. This knot in my stomach is not new or scary, I am pretty familiar with this. It's also not overwhelming, I've had several existential crises in the past three years. I look at the date and our wedding is exactly one month away. Nothing is more thrilling than marrying the boy that I fell in love with one fall, my favorite season. How fitting. Falling in love in the fall is nothing short of poetic in the most cliché of ways.
Sometimes when I read other mom blogs I question myself. Why do all of these women have it all figured out, all of their life fitting so neatly into one perfectly illustrated blog post. Did I miss something? I cannot ever picture myself with their mentality but then again that's more than likely my own lack of imagination. Todd and I had a conversation the other day about life and what we want out of it. It seems like we both keep looking forward, plotting and planning for the next thing. It scares me to realize that this period in life will be one we look back on fondly; everything is so complicated and so simple at the same time. Constantly I remind myself to cherish the moment, to live fully now.
Olivia is such a source of light for us, and I can see it in Todd's eyes and the way he protects her and knows the lyrics of every dumb kid song her obnoxious toy airplane plays. It's enough to make me cry to look back on my short life and where I am now- the monumental experiences I've had and how nothing is how I expected it to be. Things always work out for me, I always count on my backbone and my instinct and these two things have been so faithful. I am infinitely grateful for this.
In one month we will be signing a paper that legally binds us together but how can a signature and some law encompass all of the past 36 months of our lives? It simply cannot. For every trying situation we find ourselves in, I go in with my eyes closed and hoping for the best. Once everything settles, something shifts. Our life is completely different again but one thing is constant and never altered. Todd is my partner through it all: the good and the bad, the fat and the skinny, the strong and the delicate. That is what marriage is, right? Isn't that what most people hope they're signing up for?