Love for mama, too.

Had to share. After lots of baby talk and hair pulling, Olivia kept putting her face super close to mine and her slobbery open mouth on my cheeks. I know she is too young for kisses, but with her hands on my neck this is the closest we've gotten. Best slobbery "kiss" ever.

Toy Love

She finally likes her toys! Well, kinda. She just likes rubbing them on her face and putting them in her mouth.

Sleeping baby, cup of coffee, and Mothering magazine :)

People

A few weeks after discovering I was with child I decided to seek online parenting forums. Why? Because Todd was entertained while we waited for the bus in SF or in OB-GYN waiting rooms thanks to his bookmarked iPhone pages like Modern Vespa and motorcycle sites like BARF. The first thing I learned from parenting forums is that there are some clinically insane people in the world living their lives like sane beings. The second thing I learned was that some young-ish moms lose their friends when they become pregnant due to lifestyle changes and a shift in priorities.
I have mentioned before in this blog the term "lucky". To be honest, I never considered myself lucky until I was pregnant and realized all that I had. My girlfriends have stuck with me like glue and our families have been the most fundamental source of support for us as new parents. Most of my closest friends are not moms yet and almost all of them were in that hospital waiting room at 12:26 in the morning waiting for my darling Olivia to come into the world. I could cry now just dwelling on it.
Once I became a mother, they still stand next to me. My mom, dad, and sister are my heroes as well. But not only that. I have also made some new friends I am so grateful for and learn from. My new life as a mom has taught me so much about living. I know that it is so completely cliche but it is fact. So much of a true friend lies in that person's ability to remain next to you when your life changes. And another part of being a real friend is appreciating the ones that stick.

(click photos, I did not re-size!)






Me with cousins


Us in Maine for Mic's wedding 7 months preggo



Todd and Caela making my belly cast (9 months preggo)


A highly unflattering picture of me but a great photo of their company



Pea and Aunt Gabz



Olivia and her BFF Tre

1/4 of a year!

Happy 3 months to the pea: The little girl that makes life so much sweeter and slobberier.

Adventures in cloth.

Back to the college.

College mom! That is what I am. Today was my first day back to school and it felt great. I took my sweet time finishing my degree, took classes I didn't need just because I was interested in them. I traveled and lived in San Francisco for a year. I have no regrets, I grew and I learned, but now I have to get back to business.

Olivia will be 3 months old on Wednesday. Oh em gee!



And after some inspiration from another fellow blogger mama, I got my hair done on Friday!



And (gasp) today I actually flat-ironed my hair. No frumps allowed around here... Oh, wait, Olivia is still in pajamas.

Doctor Visit.

Today my precious pea when to see the Doctor. I do not like the Doctor. He does not ask peritent questions about her and pushes vaccines and is not open-minded at all. I am having a hard time finding a good pediatrician at Kaiser. If you know of one, please recommend. If not, I will be canceling her insurance with Kaiser and going somewhere else. I am currently looking for a natural family doctor in San Diego. Again, if you know of one, please send that info my way.

In other news, she is almost 12 pounds and just under 24 inches. She is not a big baby at all, but she is perfectly healthy and niether Todd or I were particularly big. She is in a higher percentile for height and just about average for weight.



Olivia is such a sweet and happy baby. Waking up in the morning and seeing her tiny face and silly grin when she sees me peek into her crib just makes waking up semi-tired SO worth it. She can totally hold her own head and does such a great job of supporting herself on her elbows during tummy time. She coos and chats and is so interested in new sights and sounds. There are so many more exciting times to come but in the meantime I am just soaking it all in, day by day.

Pretty Crispy

I am very amused by the term "crunchy" used in online parenting message boards and forums to describe moms who lean toward a more natural and involved way of raising children. This usually includes all or some of the following: breastfeeding, babywearing, cloth diapering, organic food eating, only using natural bath and cleaning products, co-sleeping, natural home births, and more. Everyone has different interpretations of this and though I do not label myself, I did find many of our own parenting choices falling under this label. They do not all apply, but in a perfect world they would. Especially the natural birth and breastfeeding. Some mamas online wear their "crunchy" title with pride and other moms criticize these beliefs and styles. Personally, I just do what I think is best for my baby and for our planet. Coincidentally "crunchy". Want to know how crunchy you are? Take this quiz. I fell under the Pretty Crispy category. Please share your results with me!

Another child-rearing "style" that Todd and I sort of just fit into before even knowing it had a label is Attachment Parenting. It pretty much means you respect your child and want to develop a relationship with him or her that is based on your baby relying on you for comfort and security. It does not involve implementing strict schedules or using sleep training methods like "cry it out". Some criticisms of AP are that children grow up too co-dependent or that strict schedules are actually better for the child's routine. Dr. Sears and other supporters of AP argue that parent and child attachment actually teaches children confidence and independence through the felt presence and support of her parents. Click here for more info on Attachment Parenting and what it entails. You may be surprised, just as I was, that there is an actual term for the decisions that just came to you naturally.

Bad Mother.

Since I was a little girl I could picture my future, and that future never involved me playing housewife and raising a bunch of kids. And now, my thoughts remain the same. I am so undomesticated, I make the women in my family cringe. During my pregnancy I read a lot of books on childbirth, child psychology, etc. The book that stood out among the rest is a book by Ayelet Waldman called Bad Mother. I understood and embraced her perspective before Olivia was even born. When I became pregnant I knew I was different, I was altered when the pea began to grow inside of me. I was somehow more complete because her existence brought new purpose to my life, but even before this new niche was introduced I knew there was another one all along. I often find myself questioning, "Am I a bad mother?" Because sometimes I want to spend the whole day alone, away from everyone? Because I want to enjoy my partner without mention of our small child at least for a little while? Or is it because I hate cooking, and find the company of most other "mommies" to be endlessly boring? No one loves their baby more than I love mine, but I find this great dichotomy within myself. Can I still be all that I once wanted and at the same time be a truly wonderful mother to this amazing little being?

The 3 Wise Men & Borrowed Boobie Milk

In Mexico and several other countries in the world, children set out their shoes on the eve of January 6th so that the Three Wise Men will leave them treats or small gifts on their way from taking gifts to baby Jesus. I was raised Catholic and though it had been a while since they came to see me my mom decided that since Olivia is here they would return. Though I am now a mom myself and not a little girl nor a true Catholic my mom encouraged everyone in our household to set out our shoes.


This was taken before my mom, dad, and sister added theirs.

This morning I awoke to find clothes for Olivia, a new book and coffee mug for Todd, and new Nars blush and a comfy lounging outfit for me. My mom is amazing and I can only hope to be almost as extraordinary a mother and woman as she has been and will always be. Now that I think about it, it might be fun to do this for Olivia just like she would do it for us. I just have to think of a creative way of incorporating it without being overtly religious about it. I am still on the fence about how to raise her as far as faith goes since Todd is atheist and I believe that spirituality is important and crucial but I do not like religion. I will take it as it comes for now.

As I mentioned in my previous post, my milk supply is very low and I can really only nurse Olivia in the mornings. That is when my supply peaks and she actually feeds long enough to feel satisfied without crying because not enough comes out. My new and favorite mama friend is exclusively breastfeeding her adorable son and has been sharing her breast milk with Olivia. She pumps and freezes it and then gives it to me. I am so, so grateful to her for this. She offered it to me and I gladly took it. Many people may think this is weird but I would much rather give her the human milk that someone I know and trust produced than infant formula that is factory made and not natural. I do not believe formula is poison like I have read some moms say here on the web, but of course I will give my baby girl boob milk over anything else even if it is not always from me. What a wonderful thing to be able to do that.

A new year.

I have been bad at blogging recently. Whenever I am buzzed enough off of caffeine or actually have the energy to write something somewhat interesting I instead use that energy to wash diapers, clean house, or maybe put on some makeup. There is a lot going on I guess, well, Todd and I are making some choices. Financial ones. Do we get our own place now and I will not be a stay-at-home mom and we won't have such a nice cushion in savings or we stay and continue sharing space. For now, I think sharing space is the best option. It's not so bad really.
Another situation going on is that my milk supply has dwindled and I need to re-lactate. I am in the process of this and will update. This is the point where most moms throw in the towel but I cannot do that. I do not blame the moms that do; though I would have secretly criticized myself a few months ago. It is so frustrating and draining, but very worth it. I never thought it would happen but it did. Olivia is growing and thriving and so smart already but I enjoy the closeness of breastfeeding and miss nursing her more and feeling my body produce plentiful amounts of the best food around! Plus, my boobs looked amazing.
Currently I am in the market for a stroller and a diaper bag. I want to buy a used stroller and do not want (nor can I) spend a lot since I primarily wear Olivia and will only use the stroller for long walks and such. I really want a Petunia Pickle Bottoms diaper bag. I do not fall prey to trendy mom gear but this is one thing I truly covet. They are so pretty and so practical. Plus, it would double as my purse since carrying both is such a hassle. I think I will use some Christmas money and treat myself since I haven't done that in a very long time.
Lastly, I jogged the golf course today with Todd and I felt SO. GOOD. I was so tired but I pushed myself to the end. I used to run about 25 miles a week at one point in my former size 4 life. I will be back in my old Adidas tomorrow :)
I think that brings you up to date.

**ETA: I have decided that this year my resolution is to enjoy the little things in my life, draw happiness from them, and continue to grow as a person and as a mother for the tiny person that contains all that my life has become.