Fall.

Pictures are so important because they serve as the strongest reminders. Even our memories can falter because a photo captures a moment from the outside, in a way that is sort of general and all encompassing.


I was unwinding tonight while listening to music and going through photos from this time last year. Only one year and our world has shifted again. Some situations last year were trying. I was working more than I wanted to, our apartment sucked, and we learned of our new surprise bun in the oven now formally known as Mila Isabel.

From looking at these photos I realized how short Olivia's now long golden curls are, how peaceful I looked even while I suffered through first trimester morning sickness, and how beautiful and delicate the light filtered through our former kitchen window. Our faces were bright and smiling.

My head remembers some unpleasant details of last October but these photos say otherwise- the small moments. Pumpkin seeds baking in the oven, the day we got married, cinnamon candles, our first little girl taking her first steps, brisk air, hoodies.

Last autumn we fell into the next big step.



Unedited. These photos may be repeats. All taken with my iPhone.

A photo of a photo.

Are these two really mine? Wow.

When I was pregnant with Olivia it was a no-brainer that I would breastfeed. During my pregnancy I embarked on a journey to educate myself on a more natural and sustainable lifestyle... and that of course lead me to natural parenting resources as well. Breastfeeding is at the forefront of attached, "green" parenting and I failed. Olivia received breastmilk for about 4-5 months thanks to my friend donating her overages of pumped milk to us. But, she was primarily formula fed. I had latching and supply issues but tried for the first couple months anyway. I pumped. I cried. I cursed all the reasons why I think I failed.

c-section
hospital nurses
flat nipples
supplementing
new mom fatigue
low supply
fussy baby
Not all women can breastfeed, just make her a bottle.



Fast forward to Mila and I knew I had to get it right this time. I bugged my doctors to let me nurse right after my c-section, I didn't give her a bottle or paci even when my nipples almost fell off, and I fed her throughout the night while everyone else in our home slept. I questioned the importance of it.



Saturday was one of my best friend's going away dinner and I had to be there. The location wasn't baby appropriate (nope, not even a baby in a sling) so Mila stayed with Todd and the pumped milk in the fridge. I dolled up, wore my new Missoni for Target heels, and ventured off on my first "night out". As soon as my cocktail arrived I reached into my clutch and checked my phone. Missed calls and frustrated texts. "Mila is upset and will not take the bottle."



My night out was over but somehow I did not feel too stressed. It was a bummer to have to leave after 20 minutes but I was shocked at how unphased I was. I love my kids but I also enjoy a couple drinks with friends. As I drove home it dawned on me. Mila was three months and one day, plump and growing quickly on her diet of boob milk. We did it. She is exclusively breastfed. No bottle or pacifier can calm her more than her mama's arms and everything that she can find in them.

I succeeded.

3 months old.

Mila has come and stole our hearts with her huge eyes and that drooly little smile. She has a dimple on her right cheek and adds so much sweetness to the day.

Antics.

Since Monday Olivia has:

-Given herself a bath in sunscreen
-A bath in rash cream
-Made scrambled eggs on the kitchen floor
-Dragged my dad's old pug for a walk by his hind legs
-Thrown off her shirt and used my nipple shield to nurse her Ugly Doll
-Pointed out seven letters of the alphabet
-Sat in her doll's stroller with poop on her butt
-Screamed so loud my ears rang for 15 minutes
-Made me want to cry out of defeat when I looked at her laying on the floor, writhing in the throes of a colossal tantrum
-Eaten five crayons
-Said "I la yoo"
-Put on my heels and walked like our mini hallway was her runway
-Said one thousand things I cannot understand with those round hazel eyes
-Chugged my special $4 espresso while I texted her daddy
-Created dreadlocks out of her buttery yellow curls with ketchup
-"Sang along" to Elliott Smith
-Made me smile so big my cheeks hurt

Soon I hope to publish a best-selling guide to surviving the toddler years that Oprah herself recommends but for now I will settle for my cheap shiraz from Trader Joe's and repeat caffeination throughout the day.

nbd.

puts on own shoes. doesn't need a mom.

:)

daddee.

sushi date.

Aged two years next month

Tattoo Artist: Dutch Hollander
Sketch: Pablo Picasso "War and Peace"