A sunny Wednesday.

Today I had a really nice mini-date with Mila. We went to a breastfeeding support group that I had been meaning to check out, and I am so glad I did. It's in a part of San Diego that I love, full of cafes and independent shops in a neighborhood dotted with beautiful historic homes. When we buy property, I want it to be there! The group was great, lots of like-minded mamas and their sweetly chubby breastfed babies. It's funny to see a room full of slings and cloth diapered children with moms who are young and hip and not the stereotypical "hippie". Everyone is warm and welcoming and I always get a lot out of spending them with women in the same shoes as me. Mila is already over ten pounds, thriving and growing chubs solely on mama's milk :)

Afterward I enjoyed an iced latte and crepe at one of the French style cafes while Mila napped. It was lovely. I sipped slowly, savored every bite, enjoyed the warm sun on my skin. It's so important for mothers to remember to take a second and decompress. I walked back to the car with a smile on my face. It was that simple. A bath, a glass of wine, a walk alone. Lock yourself in your laundry room for a bit if you have to. Whatever it takes, take at least 30 minutes a day JUST FOR YOU.

Carousel.

On Sunday I had a moment. It hit me suddenly and without warning. We were spending a nice Sunday out, the four of us with our good friends who are expecting their first baby in August. We went to Belmont Park in Mission Bay and naturally Olivia wanted to ride the merry-go-round. My friend held Mila and I went on with Pea. We chose the bunny and I strapped her in and stood next to her. The ride started and her smile grew. Bigger and bigger. I was standing so close I could smell the sun and sunblock in her yellow hair. I had my hand on her hips to steady her but she didn't even need it. I looked down to see two strong, long legs wrapped around the body of the bunny she was riding on. Her hands were gripping the gilded pole and she stood straight and confident. Through the round of her cheeks and baby face I saw her independence. Her personality. For the first time ever I glimpsed Olivia Simone, a person separate from me. An entire individual of her very own. My eyes filled with tears (very unlike me) and like a punch in my gut it came to me- My little girl is growing. And fast.

Before I know it she will start school. Before I can blink she will have a license and ask for a lock on her door. One morning I'll wake up tired because I stayed awake vigilant, waiting for her to come home after a night out. I cannot hold her back though I may want to. How can I deal with her hair one day smelling differently, or her elbows losing those innocent dimples? I'm so proud of my twenty month old girl, of her brains and her courage. I can only hope that in twenty years she might remember how happy she was on that merry-go-round. Of how much we meant, of how with each turn of the carousel she would wave to her daddy excitedly and then beam at me. Her smile so huge, expecting everything out of life.

4 weeks old.

My sweet girl. Such an old soul I see in those eyes.

Floating on.

I'm alive! You probably think I didn't survive the reality of mothering two under two. Especially now that it's the real deal- I am back on my feet and pretty much all healed from Mila's birth. It's been a whirlwind, the morning starts early and it's go-go-go. Alas, I am still around and actually doing okay. Dare I say it's fun?

I am too tired to write much. It's 10:15pm and that's late! On top of learning how to be mama to my two I also have been spending the rest of my energy enjoying these sunny summer days. Kiddie pools, iced coffees, and Sesame Street have been my keys to survival. And Mila's love of the boob sure makes keeping her happy easy. Thank goodness I have two of those! :) I'll be back soon with clever musings on the wet stains on the front of my tank top, how I haven't worn contacts in two weeks, and the knots in my hair because I no longer have time to adequately brush after my hurried showers.

For now, I leave you with some iPhone photos.

It's been hot + this babe is a heater

Summertime

NIP

If you are exclusively breastfeeding your newborn, you are going to have to feed them in public. Unless you plan on staying home all day, or hiding in the bathroom. I think it's crucial to shift society's perception of a nursing mother. I am lucky to have a circle of friends who are educated and supportive of breastfeeding, so it's never an issue there. But, it's important to remember there is still a large portion of people who think a nursing mother should either cover up or feed their baby somewhere "private". The only way to normalize breastfeeding in public is to do it. Breastfeed wherever you happen to be, and whenever your baby is hungry.

On Sunday Todd and I went out to brunch with both girls. Mila was asleep in the sling and I knew I would for sure nurse her at least once during our meal. I looked around and all the tables near us were full. The one closest to us was a group of men sipping bloody marys and chatting about Twitter. I wondered if they would be weirded out by me boobin' the babe. It's still a delicate art, getting her situated and properly latched. A nipple flash is bound to happen. Adding a nursing cover or blanket into that equation just makes it all more hectic... and sweaty.



After brunch Olivia and Todd splashed around in the waves on the beach (O jumped into the water fully clothed). I sat on a bench watching them and nursing Mila. I found myself feeling slightly self conscious, and some people did do a double take. One mama gave me a knowing smile. I felt the need to be discreet. I kept us halfway covered with the sling. I hate to admit that I am not all there yet. I am not completely comfortable nursing in public because I know how some people perceive it. Because it is still a private part, my breasts. I am sure that as we get better at nursing without any glitches I will also be more comfortable feeding her anywhere, covered or not. In the meantime, I will continue to nurse in public without hiding in some dark corner because every single time I do so, I am doing my own small part to make breastfeeding as normal as giving a baby a bottle.

How have you dealt with nursing in public?

O & M

Sunnies


Perched

Mila: Two weeks old.