Sometimes when I write I feel a great sense of fulfillment because words have always been my best friends. I discovered them early and they've since been stashed under my arm in the form of books or forced inbetween the lines of notebook paper in such a personal way. When someone writes me and says they can relate/enjoy/bother to read what I type it truly fills me with an enormous sense of well-being. Not only did I medicate my spirit with putting my emotions into sentences but someone else actually felt something from it. Wow. Rad.
So, for those of you reading. THANK YOU. I am sorry if you have e-mailed me and I haven't written back. I will. But, I need your help. How do you do it? Nurture your kids, keep your home clean, your husband satiated, shave your legs, make cool shit, cook something delicious, and feed your magnificent female brain ALL IN ONE DAY? Please. I am feeling inadequate. Either I am the semi-together mom having fun with her kids or the housewife en pointe with housework and having something ready for the husband to eat when he comes home.
Mila's bed is completely full of clean laundry that needs to put away (it's not like she sleeps in it) and last time I tried to cook with both kids awake and by myself I got all hot and bothered. Not in a good way. I think of every hat my mother wore my entire 0-22 life. Full-time career, housework, cooking, LOVING HER FAMILY SO FULLY, being the hero, generally saving the day no matter what. How exhausting. I need to be rich just to shower her with monetary gratitude because she deserves the world and I want to buy it for her someday. Show me how!
*My girl Adriana shared a similar sentiment here and so beautifully.
7 comments:
I'm sure it'll get easier as yer beauties get older and more independent. Yer a good writer and it's been great to see yer blog and writing progress. In my tiny little apartment, I get tired cleaning, cooking, and doing my own laundry. I can only imagine how tiring it must be to do it for yourself + three other people. Yer doing great Val! Give everyone my love.
-jon
1) I think what you write about is perfect - the idiosyncrasies of your family. Raw, distilled of excess, spirited. I often wonder "do we really need another mommy blog" out in blog world but every voice is different and enlightens/encourages/nourishes in their own way.
2) You're doing great. The pressure to do/be the mom/woman that has it all together is overwhelming, especially with social media and pinterest. I often find myself discouraged and completely deflated when I check all the things I have pinned vs things I have done. Then I laughed at myself and remembered how happy I was before I started comparing my life to the imagined life of others.
Balance is hard to maintain, especially with 2 little wonders pulling at you and needing you. I have learned it will take 2-3 days to complete what I would be able to do in 1 day pre child. Most days revolve around 1 scheduled event (playdate, class, errand),a few ideas about what else would be fun and the rest just comes as it will or not. Nurturing the kid and having a home filled with laughter and whimsy is my personal #1 priority.
Husband, legs, making things -- those are weekly goals/activities rather than daily for us. Some weeks I work in more husband time and others more me time.
Cooking -- I do the cooking so I meal plan (hate it but it really helps) and am learning to cook in batches. I try to spend 1 day a week cooking intensely and using those ingredients in various ways for meals that week. I have the kid help or distract her with a messy activity and just accept that there will be a mess to clean later but my kid will have had fun and we will get to eat something yummy.
Cleaning -- HA! my home is "tidy" and I'm perfectly fine with that. I get the "gotta clean" bug once a month or so and then everything gets a thorough once over. During this time the urge to deep clean is so overwhelming that TV, chicken nuggets, less responsive parenting doesn't generate any feelings of guilt.
Me time = less sleep. not a great option but for now, it's what works for us. I get up early, take the pup for a walk with my coffee and just breathe in the quiet and hear my own thoughts. I always have a book I'm reading through. I wake up early so I can take the longer, private shower. I wake up early so I can do what I want without wondering if someone else needs something of me. :)
Prioritize, stop comparing your life to others or what you imagine others are doing, do what makes your family happiest. Not everyday needs to have every element to make it a great day. No one is going to remember the messy house or the day to day meals but you will remember feeling loved and connected.
I can relate to what you're saying. Being a mama is the best job in the world (so I keep reminding myself) but it is also the most challenging! I really struggled when I became a mama and for two years I suffered badly from anxiety and depression. Thankfully, I can say that I'm over that now. If there is one thing that I could say it would be take some time each day for yourself. Make yourself a priority. Take a bath. Cook something special. Go for a walk Shave those legs! But do it for you. If you're not taking care of yourself then you're no good to your husband or children. That's one very important lesson I've learnt. I'm a new follower of your blog but I've so enjoyed your writing and listening to what you have to say. I think all of us housewives can relate to each other as our struggles are so similar. xx
I am RIGHT THERE WITH YA mama! Your blog always inspires me and I get so excited each time I see there will be a new post to read or see. You are inspiration. I really REALLY reccomend you get "Wild Feminine" by Tami Lynn Kent, the book has changed my life so much...it's one of those books that EVERY woman needs to read. Also, one of my dear friends has a new blog (inspired by wild feminine)called Healing Feminine, that I have linked on my blog. It's very inspiring, you should check it out. Sending hugsxoxox And remember that thing people say about in 10 years when you look back on this time, you won't remember if your house was clean or if your legs were shaved, you will remember the sweet time you spend with your girls making their childhood memories. They will look upon you the same way you see your mama now. Full of love and Grace, and that is all that matters!
I couldn't have said it better than Jenni.
To be perfectly honest, in some of my darker moments, I find your JOY of mothering makes me feel like I need to do better. You don't seem to have many of those moments, although I know realistically that you probably do, but it doesn't always do to dwell on the negative, especially when it is so fleeting thanks to those bouncing honey-coloured curls. When I'm frustrated and close to tears and just wishing they would both sleep at the same time for just an hour but of course they don't, I read an entry or two of your blog and I feel a sense of calm that is so crucial for me at those moments.
You remind me that these years when they're so small and perfect will be over before we can blink, and soon they'll be breaking our hearts by moving away and having lives of their own. Soon they won't want us to be the be all and end all of their universes, so I try to feel some of your joy.
I feel the exact same way, only difference is baby #1 is on the way for me so my days aren't filled with taking care of a child yet! I still find it difficult to be 'perfect' every day but oh, perfection is never attainable, so I always tell myself just to set small goals for myself every week or so, and if I reach them, great. If I don't, well then, on to the next!
I must admit, though. I do get overwhelmed looking at my newly stocked stash of cloth diapers that will soon be worn and soiled and need washing every day/ every other day!
Love your blog!!
-Angela
OMG, I echo these thoughts all the time!!! I work F/T, and while I only have one little one right now, I am always feeling overwhelmed and feeling like I can't keep up! It's amazing how awesome blogging can be, but sometimes how inadequate blog land can make you feel at times! There are SO many momma's out there that look so darn put together. I often as myself, what in the heck and I doing wrong???
I am also a San Diego gal! Where exactly in San Diego do you live?
I can tell you something...as overwhelmed as you may feel sometimes, you have 2 gorgeous, gorgeous kiddos that absolutely love their momma! I can tell that from only reading a few of your posts! You are beautiful hon, and so is your family!
♥ Kyna
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