Enjoy.

If I could use one verb to describe my mothering of Mila so far it would be: enjoy. I have enjoyed every day of being her mother. Yes, every day. Of course there are moments where I think it'd be nice to get a pedicure, or watch an early movie, sneak in a haircut- any daytime on my own. She has been at every haircut, every pedicure. She is my velcro baby, always attached to me. My theory is that this is why she is so "easy", she is with her comfort 24/7. But, I digress.

With this second child I already knew how deeply I'd fall in love. I knew how breastfeeding really hurts at first. That sleep would be my long lost lover. That she would be the most beautiful creature, right there in front of me. Olivia taught me and I was a good student. I wanted to be an earth mama because that is how nature intended. I'd wear her close, feed her my milk, keep chemicals away.

These parenting choices (breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, attachment parenting) have not only seamlessly fit into our small family but also brought me into a community of inspiring women. So many amazing mamas, all so different, but with a common ground. Tiny, happy babies. Thriving off of pure mama love.

#momlife

With the popularity of mom blogs and the rapid spread of information that the internet allows I feel that mothers now have a soapbox that was never there before. A means of expressing the triumphs, failures, delights, woes, and perils of procreating. It's refreshing to see I am not the only one with "motherhood existentialism". Most of these writings that go viral seem to be written by mothers who do not work outside the home, for whatever reason. Some because childcare is too expensive, others because the financial need is not there, and many because they purposely choose not to.

I fall under a particular category. Yes, I chose to stay home in a way, but me working would make far more work for my family than we can handle at the moment. It entails so many things. What I would make versus childcare FOR TWO, needing more help from Todd while his plate is already overflowing, and the idea I have of my two babies in someone else's care for most of their waking hours.

I've done the working thing before. If you read this blog often enough you know that. And if I am going to continue writing here I have to be honest. Sometimes I find myself missing my 25 minute commute to work. Alone. My 15 minute Starbucks breaks. Alone. My paychecks. Adult interaction. Having MY THING. But, frankly, there is no ME in MOTHER.



Even though our situation isn't always ideal, I still go to bed every night thankful that I get to be with these two all day. Every day. They are my job, my priority. What do you do? I mother. My attempts are honest and true, hopefully I'm doing what is best. Some days at the office suck, my bosses are two and 7 months and can be volatile.

So here, on my own little soapbox, I will share one thing I have learned. One aspect of this whole "stay at home mom" job that seems to transcend the tantrums, frump, stickiness, and challenges of being the queen bee.

This is a career of moments. It should never be measured by big projects, or the deadlines of milestones. Sometimes I want to scream, but have to remind myself that this is the most fleeting phase. It certainly isn't forever, but it is so crucial, even if it won't mean anything on my resume. It's just as short as they are.