1 is a lonely number.

We all do it. Moments of whining, or complaining, when something in our relatively perfect lives isn't exactly where we want it to be. A new stretch mark on my belly, or wishing the house was bigger, cursing the day until my indefinite maternity leave. When I say "relatively perfect" I mean that all things considered, I am a very lucky woman. Still, sometimes I can get caught up in the routine mixed with pregnancy hormones and I find myself nitpicking at my little life and all of its educative imperfections.

This morning I woke up with my husband and our baby girl wasn't there. Her shoes were all over the floor, a little sock on my pillow, and in her crib only a pile of colorful blankets. I sipped my coffee slowly, listened to Steve Nicks, and even had time to think about my outfit for the day. The silence was so loud and though every morning I crave a second to myself I realized that maybe it'd be a while until Olivia had another sleep over at her beloved grandparent's house.

Before long my life will go from busy to downright hectic. I will have two under two, be a stay-at-home mom again, and the delicate balance of nurturing my children while maintaining my sense of self will continue. As the days pass and I see all of my happiness and the sweetness of my life in my pea's big eyes and soft curls I am confident I will survive. Not just make it work- I will do it well, hopefully with a little grace, and most certainly with a lot of heart.

Bare

Motherhood has opened up the depths of my human instinct and directed me to going back to the basics. To parent as if I were living in a small village thousands of years ago without Pampers, Petunia Picklebottom, or Bugaboo. Sure, the baby gear is nice but my intuition makes me to want to keep my baby close to my skin, nursing her, and nurturing naturally and based on instinctual mothering not baby books.

Now that Olivia is growing that primal feeling remains and I find myself dreaming of a small farm where Todd can build our home. A chicken coop, clotheslines with cloth diapers drying in the wind, perhaps a cow or a pig, and of course an organic garden. I want my children to love and appreciate nature, to see and respect where their food comes from, and find joy in the essentials of life.

I've worked in the sales/fashion industry for a while and though I'm a style enthusiast at heart and can appreciate the finer (see: too expensive, not in my budget) things in life I want to shed some of those materialistic tendencies. At this point I'd happily trade in the heels for some gardening boots and my beloved Chanel foundation for rosy cheeks from being out in the sun all day, reading and making mudpies with my Pea.

image via: Google

Holy !&^* it happened.

My jeans buttoned. I mean, my SKINNY jeans buttoned. Sure, they give me a muffin top but they buttoned without me sucking in or laying down or anything crazy. Nine months later, Olivia has six teeth, says "bye", and my jeans buttoned.

Which brings to me this: I need a new look. I feel like doing something fun to my hair. I love fashion and dressing up but when I get bored I am always up for letting a good hairstylist do their creative thing on my head. About a month before I got pregnant I chopped off all my hair and got a pixie cut.



I am going to make an appointment with the amazing Quinn over at Hair Drezzers on Fire and see what she has in mind for me...

Semi-Pro

There is a chance that I may be finally getting this whole mom thing down.

I started to hate going to the post office. Every time I had to go and mail something I was haunted by an experience I had once when Olivia was only around 2 months old. Back then (almost 7 months ago!) I was still new at the whole mom thing and I often put myself in hairy situations. I had to ship some packages so I wrapped the little monster up in the Moby wrap and stood in line. It was a nightmare trying to scribble down addresses on envelopes and stuff them with what I had to mail with a fussy baby. She was hungry, my boobs hurt because they knew it was time to feed her, and everyone was staring at me with intrigue/sympathy. I was sweaty and flustered and I am sure they wondered why I had my infant strapped to my body.
Now, running errands with the babe is actually enjoyable. This morning I had some parcels to ship out and for a second I hoped there wasn't another super long line because I did not want another "episode". As soon as I had Olivia nice and snug in our beloved Ella Belly carrier I knew we were good to go. She was happy and chatty and loves how the old people always make the funniest faces at her. I still look really tired often, but at least people don't look at me weird anymore.

My #1 tip for a newbie mom: Wear your baby. It makes life so much easier. Free hands are a good thing to have.

(I warned you. I still look tired.)

The ham.

Sleeping in... not.

My Facebook status update this morning:

It seems like I will never get to sleep past 7am again, Olivia is a very hyper early bird. Every day I am woken up by her throwing toys at me, sitting on my head so she can look out the window, or very carefully trying to pull my eyelashes out.

Let's just say the Pea is stoked on life. And I drink too much coffee.

The sweetest part of the universe II

My firm belief is that not everyone should be a parent. Many couples are childless and proud and more power to them. Some people decide to procreate and I am sure many of us wish they didn't. My grandmother says a woman is not truly a woman until she becomes a mother. Does that mean a woman who never has children never really becomes a woman? I do not agree.
There is obviously a selfish spontaneity to a life without a kid. Last-minute vacations, fancy furniture you don't mind ruining, and extra money to buy vintage YSL without having to worry about baby vom or the harsh reality that you never go out anymore. It means no stretch marks or awful nursing bras.
But then again, they miss out on something pretty huge. Humans who never become parents will never experience the sweetest part of the universe. That tiny little planet that closes in around you at night in a warm bed with a sleepy baby cuddled up in your arms. Not just any baby, my baby. My own flesh and blood, right after her bath. Her hair smells like heaven and she is so gentle, so pure. Nothing else can come even remotely close to having my little girl's breath on my face as I just let the rest of the world melt away.

from The Three Ages of Woman by Gustav Klimt

Sushi Night

Yesterday as I drove home from a beach baby playdate (pics of that to come) I received a call from one of our best friends just as I was thinking I felt like going out with Todd for a couple of hours and enjoying some adult time. I was so stoked he was visiting for a couple of days and we all agreed to meet up and hang out. My sister babysat the little monster and off we went. Before meeting at Sushi Deli, we went to Best Buy to check out the new iPhone. I see that amazing technological device in my near future, but sadly we walked out empty handed.
Sushi Deli has been our go-to cheap sushi and Japanese beer spot for a while, and it was awesome that the three of us did not have to wait an hour for a table as usual. Jon moved to San Francisco from San Diego soon after Todd and I did and he is still there, living in a perfect building and thoroughly enjoying the city life. It's great to see him, and interesting to see where our conversations go especially now that our lives are SO different.
At some point he said to me, "You're definitely all about Olivia now." My first instinct was to deny it. Deny it in the sense of, "No I'm not! I am still my own person, a strong woman with ideas and intellect!" But then after thinking about it for a second, I realized it's true. I am ALL about Olivia now. All of my life is about her and that is how it should be! That is motherhood, something so huge and consuming there is no way you could realize its depth unless you experience it for yourself. I'm sure he meant is as a compliment :)
It's always eye-opening to get together with old friends, especially the unmarried and childless ones. I get a tiny taste of the former life, of the selfish life, and I almost miss it. The complete freedom and ability to come and go as you please. The paychecks to burn through, the weekend getaways, the TIME. And the other side of it is that perhaps those single, childless friends are still searching for their niche and their purpose. Maybe, just maybe, they get a little taste of our simple life, our happy little family, and see for themselves just how sweet it really is.

Muse Monday

Everyone say hi to this week's Monday Muse Alexis, single supermom to two adorable twin girls McKinley and Crystal! Want to be my next muse? Click here!

I used to be the center of my universe. I spent my days completely preoccupied with myself; doing things that made me feel beautiful and having a lot of fun. These days I still have fun, but sometimes it's really hard. Sometimes I feel tired and alone and I want to cry. I never pictured my life turning out this way. And though there are fleeting moments of distress, I now know without a doubt that I am a woman in every sense and that I am absolutely amazing.
I love myself more than I ever did when I felt beautiful every day. I know exactly who I am and what I am made of. Giving birth to my two babies has shown me what my body is capable of. I respect it so much more now. I don't value my body according to the number on the scale anymore.
I am so honored and thankful to have been given the most important job in the world. Sometimes I don't feel worthy of the task. To help guide and nurture these two beautiful, amazing girls into incredible women whom I will help realize early what took me 23 years to figure out: That they are incredible and amazing, beautiful, and capable of everything wonderful in this world.




And with her girls after running a benefit for cancer marathon!

What's on your face?

I saw a friend from high school at Target recently looking exactly just like any new mom would: Tired, tired, and tired. She asked me how I looked so fresh-faced, and assumed it is because Olivia is old enough to be sleeping through the night. I assured her this was untrue, I still do not get enough sleep but I did discover certain products that are part of my daily face routine that keep everyone fooled. I am very low-maintenance with my beauty regimen, and these essentials keep me looking decent.

NARS blush in Super Orgasm @ Sephora

Neutrogena pressed powder with SPF @ Target



Shu Uemura eyelash curler from the Shu Uemura boutique in SF (also sold @ Sephora)

Maybelline Lash Stiletto mascara @ Target



MAC lipglass in Pink Poodle @ the MAC store


This is what is in my makeup bag and I only use a little bit of each. My whole face routine takes all of five minutes and that is a good thing because really that's about as long as the little monster will give me.

No Mom Jeans

I paid my bills/rent throughout college by working in the fashion industry and helping people find their own personal style. After I became a mom, and while I was pregnant, I had to completely re-wardrobe myself to fit my new lifestyle and body. Here are some of my essentials for keeping a comfortable style that is edgy but still realistic to the life of a mom. Simple key pieces that I wear on a constant rotation:

High-waisted straight leg dark denim. Sleek, flattering, and J-brand makes them buttery soft. Cuff them to wear with flip flops or sneakers (sans socks) for a different look if you're wearing the same pair of denim almost daily. Choosing jeans over sweats is one huge step for the sake of mom style.

I only wear mine with heels if I am going on a date with Todd or out with friends.
Usually, I am in flats or my trusty red Vans.

Flats are a great alternative if you want to keep the look comfy but less casual than sneakers. I scored some adorable Delman flats at a thrift store NEW for like $15! They are so well-made and I can walk in them all day.

V-neck shirts have been sabotaged by hipsters, but I still wear them because they flatter my body better than the classic crew tee. So, I still rock my v-necks while running errands and doing the motherhood thing. Vince makes them thin and out of the yummiest fabrics.

If you're feeling ambitious, ditch the tee and instead wear a cutesy top. Even if you aren't the cutesy type, a nice top that flatters your body type with buttons, stripes, or some frill will make you look put together even if you did not try!



A cute sundress is the absolute uniform for spring/summer in my world. You put on one article of clothing, no outfits to orchestrate! Throw it on, slide into some flip flops, and you're good to go. Forever 21 and Target have fantastic options for under $25. If I will be at the park or sitting in grass at some point with the pea, I wear leggings under my dress.



When I am having a super BLAH day, I swear by some height. If you are going to run around with a kid on your hip, you CAN still wear a higher shoe but a wedge/platform is key. A heel that is evenly distributed along the shoe is a lot more comfortable and easy to walk in so you will not look like a fool + break your ankle.

If you want to get crazy, put on some blush. Look, no one can tell you didn't sleep!

Shop:
bloomingdales.com
vans.com
forever21.com
target.com
modcloth.com
sephora.com
urbanoutfitters.com
americanapparel.net


And just because they are TOO ADORABLE:

Muse Monday

"The babies are amazing... They begin each day all warm and sleepy, smelling of promise."
-Julia Roberts, in a letter to Oprah Winfrey

image via: Google

"You can't do that anymore, you're a mom."

In general, I am a person that is not easily offended. I can take heat and I can dish it out, too. Nothing really shocks me and I appreciate honesty. However, there is one thing that gets my head hot and my tongue sharp. If I am venting, or expressing myself, or perhaps even picking my nose please do not tell me, "You cannot do that anymore, you are a mom." If you come over and our bed is not made and my hair is greasy, do not share your two cents on how I need to be 100% all the time because I am a mother. And if you are not a mother yourself, do not be offended if I have a quick and heavy response for you.

Sure, it's difficult to remember that we aren't perfect. Motherhood comes with natural superpowers that not only improve your reflexes but also make your heart swell and expand so much that you can patiently and lovingly hum your daughter to sleep when the pain of childbirth and breastfeeding have left you sleepless and in physical pain. It's easy to forget that mother's aren't perfect when we do not even notice that we have spit up on our shoulder or puke in our hair because we were too busy tending to a fussy child to even care because at the same moment we are also making doctor appointments, putting away laundry, and trying to figure out what the weird red spot on her arm is. If you ever stop and truly think of the staggering reality of all that creating life entails it's enough to make you want to run under a rock and hide.

So, if you catch me quietly whisper a four-letter word or want judge me over an extra glass of wine, please remember that I'm not my own boss anymore.


image via: thesoapboxuk.com

Muse Monday

“When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.” -Sophia Loren

image via Google

photographed by Alfred Eisenstaedt

Wishful Wednesday

I wish I had loads of energy. TONS. Energy to go and go and go without sleep. Energy without limits so I can accomplish all that I want to do in one day.

RUN

SEW

PLAY

READ

CLEAN

WRITE

KEEP UP WITH...




all images minus last via: google

Muse Monday

“Motherhood has a very humanizing effect. Everything gets reduced to essentials.”