Little Women

I was never overly hormonal during my pregnancy, I almost want to say I was not hormonal at all. Most likely, the highest surge of hormones I felt was actually postpartum. It did not last long, but the first two weeks I did have a bout of the baby blues. In retrospect, I handled it well. One of my few talents is keeping my emotions and thoughts in check. Some of this was derived from reading about meditation and Buddhism, I took what fit me from that literature and it has benefited me.

Now that I am a mother, I think I have become more laid back than I ever have been. I really do not sweat the small stuff. Sounds nuts, doesn't it? Sometimes when I hear someone complaining or stressing about something so unimportant, I almost want to yell IT IS NOT A BIG DEAL! I know I cannot be like that, because that unimportant thing is indeed important to them. I suppose I just learned that some things are trivial and we spend too much time and energy even thinking of them. Anything that will affect my daughter's future, or present, is crucial. Perhaps that is my division. No, it does not matter that I have not cut my hair but I wonder if Olivia will identify with me as she grows older. I happily shop at Target, Nordstrom is a distant memory, but I keep money in savings because we may someday have an emergency.

Maybe this is what is supposed to happen as life ebbs and flows, as we try to find purpose, and importance. Perhaps all those trivial pursuits just take up space and instead we could focus on bettering ourselves as people and respecting our world. I worked for a woman in San Francisco who I can almost come to idolize in a sense. She was smart, independent, an involved mother AND businesswoman. She told me how she once read a survey that more women would prefer to be a size 4 than win a Nobel Peace Prize. I was appalled. Then I concluded, maybe if we stop being so concerned with dieting, women could really rule the world. I do not worry if Olivia will be perfect and thin, but I do hope she is strong in her skin and confident.

Another part of my outlook is that daughters seem to inherit their mother's hang-ups. Sometimes they surpass them, and sometimes they seem to drown in them. I have great examples of this in my own family though I will leave it at that. I cannot expect anything from her if I do not strive for it myself. My conclusion? My consciousness is now distracted by the fundamental aspects of raising a great woman and ALSO trying to make sure I can be a fair example of one. There is no room left to worry about a pimple, or cellulite, or those jeans that do not fit.